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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27896179">She Lived For Love And Love Lived For Her</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavageDemonDog/pseuds/SavageDemonDog'>SavageDemonDog</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author regrets nothing, Because Authors Are Pure Evil, Every Day Is Evil Author Day, Evil Author Day, F/F, First Meetings, Flash Forward, Flashbacks, Getting Together, Gun Violence, Hurt No Comfort, Maria Hill Needs a Hug, Mission Fic, Missions, Missions Gone Wrong, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soulmate AU, Swearing, Tags might change, Undercover Missions, Violence, as usual, getting shot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:07:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,514</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27896179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavageDemonDog/pseuds/SavageDemonDog</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmates are hard. Especially in their line of work. Oh, and don’t underestimate undercover missions either.</p><p> </p><p>Type of Soulmate AU chosen: </p><p>A random quote your soulmate says about your relationship together is written on your body.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/BLACKWIDOWSCJ_PC/gifts">BLACKWIDOWSCJ_PC</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If you ask for a soulmate AU you get a soulmate AU. a six-chapter one to be precise:)</p><p>this was the perfect day for me to post the first chapter, because it’s St. Nicholas day here in the Netherlands (it’s basically Christmas 2.0, but we celebrate Christmas too) so i thought it’d be nice to bring this tag to live a bit more and make some people happy (hopefully).</p><p>today’s chapter includes-swearing, mentions of PTSD, flashbacks to traumatic events-hurt without comfort etc.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="u">
    <em> <span class="s1">2009, </span></em>
  </span>
  <span class="u">
    <em><span class="s1">date redacted</span> </em>
  </span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em><span class="s1">‘People like us don’t get someone to love. That’s not how it works.’ </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Natalia softly strokes the sensitive skin of her underarm, traces the bolt, black letters with the tips of her fingers. She can hear her own heavy breathing, lungs desperately sucking in all the air they could get. Her heart pounds unsteady in her ears. Her eyes barely react to the bright light of the interrogation room they locked her up in. The memories flash before her retina, in an incredible speed. Her brain works on top speed, feeling as if spinning in her head. Her sight decreases. Colors fade until all she can see is a scheme of black, grey and white pixels. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>
    <span class="s2">A blonde haired girl is dragged into the room, arms numb, tears leaving streaks on her face. Big, pale eyes set deep in her sockets, expressing pure terror and pain. Natalia watches, curiously but taken aback. They throw the new girl against the wall, silence broken by a gruesome “crack”. The girl gasps for breath. Big, dark characters are visible on her left underarm. One of the men who brought her in has taken a big piece of wood from a corner. The girl’s eyes widen as she sees him making a beeline for her. Natalia and the other girls flinch away as they hear the nauseating snap of breaking bones. The girl’s cries fill the silent room. They hear her beg for help and scream as she slowly approaches her demise. The accomplishes of the man force the young Black Widows to watch as their peer gets beaten to death by these cruel, cruel men. Natalia sees the light in the girl’s eyes fade out slowly but surely. The girl glances at her one more time, and with a weak gasp, she’s gone. She’s gone, but the desperation in the girl’s blue orbs will never be forgotten by Natalia.</span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Natalia finds herself crying now, warm, wet tears rolling down her cheeks and dripping off her chin. She slowly rocks herself back and forth, arms tightly clenched around her knees. </span> <span class="s2">Sssshh, don’t cry, Natalia. Crying is a sign of weakness. You must not show weakness.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Tiny sobs escape her lips. She begins humming a Russian lullaby to calm herself down, but it only seems to be freaking her out even more. It takes a good 4 minutes to gather herself, but then she brings up the guts to look at the text on her arm again.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Natalia had met so many people today that it would be true Sisyphus work to figure out which of all SHIELD agents exactly is her soulmate. Not that she was planning on searching for them anyway. They-she, so was her guess-would only form a liability for future plans. For her part, this damn aircraft could be her soulmate. She didn’t mind the slightest, she decided after wiping away her tears and quickly straightening her back. She guessed they would come to interrogate her within now and thirty minutes, so she’d better be ready.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—————————————————————————————————————————————————</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">A few hours ago</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maria eyes the activity-or well, the lack thereof-skeptically. Lots of her agents where just leaning against the wall, quietly chatting with each other and doing anything but what they’re supposed to be doing. All where waiting for the new asset to be brought in, of course, but she wished they didn’t make such a big deal out of it and would just fuck off. The Black Widow was a myth amongst the lower ranks of SHIELD. The older agents knew better, but only a few knew exactly what they where dealing with here, and those few where wise enough to stay the heck out of her way-and Fury’s for that matter-today. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">The aforementioned two people come to a stop in the middle of the long hallway, crossing their arms in front of their chestwith murderous looks on their faces. A good 8 and a half minutes later, Specialist Clint Barton, cause of all Maria’s misery and destroyer of all thats holy and good, casually strolls in. He holds a young, redheaded woman with a blank expression by the shoulders and softly, almost </span> <span class="s2">gently, </span> <span class="s1">guids her forward. The thunder in Maria’s eyes increases when the two come into eyesight. Clint’s face expression changes from a certain pride to pure horror with the guilt of a man that knows that he fucked up when he sees the glares his superiors shoot him. </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He clears his throat and walks over to them, still holding Natalia. The woman doesn’t flinch when she spots the two obviously furious people waiting for them, she just calmly obeys, curious about what they have to say. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maria, in the meantime, shoots an annoyed glance at her collarbone, that had started to burn. She stays perfectly still and listens to Fury as he rants about how Clint Barton is the bringer of destruction and evil to his beloved intelligence agency, and names some cruel ways to torture him (canteen cleaning service, duh) while incredibly on edge. Flaring pain courses through her veins on top speed, filling her with a rather uncomfortable heat. Fury must have noticed her shifting from the corner of his eye because he casts her a worried glance over his shoulder. You can say about Nick Fury what you want, but if there’s one thing he’s certainly not then it’s a robot. Or well, the real him, not the about 5000 Lmd’s that where stores somewhere on a top secret SHIELD location. (the Triskelion’s not-so-classified basement, duh) she excuses herself and rushes to the bathroom, where she unbuttons her uniform and pulls it away to check her collarbone. She gasps as a sentence, written in a thick, black font, is revealed.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em>‘It’s fate, we can’t run from it.’</em> it says.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">she gently rubs the letters and looks up, staring at her own pale face in the mirror. she turns on the tap and makes a bowl out of her hands to drink. nononononono, this couldn’t happen. Her mind was trained to analyze every possible solution, every outcome. But this time, there only is one. the Black Widow is her soulmate. she was the only new person Maria had met today, and her collarbone had started burning on the exact moment that she looked Natalia Romanova in the eyes for the first time. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the redhead hadn’t shown anything near uncomfortableness, on the contrary, she seemed perfectly contend in SHIELD’s custody. It was definitely something to be suspicious about. Maria fixes her shirt and hurries back to Fury’s side. She silently slips back into place, aware of the high amount of guns pointed at Natalia, who has thrown her hands in the air and has a devilish grin on her face. She says something in Russian with hoarse voice. One of the agents leaning against the wall cocks the gun, and Maria decides it’s been enough.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck is going on here?” She spoke up, glancing around the room.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fury as calm as ever, responds with “she’s got them worked up.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Stand down!” Maria orders, letting an ice cold tone slip through. The junior agents freeze and holster their weapons immediately. The older ones are a bit more stubborn. “I said STAND. DOWN. I didn’t stutter, or did I?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They point their firearms to the floor with straight faces. Maria tries to gauge Natalia’s reaction, which seems to exist of nothing but complete, utter calmness and maybe a hint of triumph. “Romanova, we offer you two options. Option A is to join SHIELD and use your skill set for something good, Option B is to turn down Option A and continue your life as a highly wanted criminal with a $1,8 million dollar price on her head.” Maria cocks her head slightly to the left. “Your choice.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would I choose for Option A?” The Russian asks, with a raspy voice.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll guarantee you protection from both any and every government or intelligence agency you can think of. You get a chance to start a new life, we can reprogram you to forget all past horrors, we offer you a chance to use your skillset for something useful.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Natalia seems to think about this for a few seconds. “Good. When do I start?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maria smirks triumphantly.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so, yesterday was St. Nicholas’ day, and today is the day that children play with the presents they got:). except me though, i don’t have anything to play it because about 85% of what i’ve got is stuff for my pets, not that i’ve asked for anything else. </p><p>today’s chapter includes: awkward conversations that might make you cringe;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Back in her quarters, Maria drops herself on her bed and stares at the ceiling.</p><p>The goddamn Black Widow, the infamous spy, the world’s most feared assassin and a wanted criminal, was her motherfucking soulmate. Of fucking course, this was something that could only happen to her. Maria, as pessimistic as she was, knows she doesn’t stand a chance on ever developing a healthy, working relationship, so does Natalia. It just seemed impossible. Besides, Maria certainly wasn’t the one to seek out any kind of contact, she was too proud for that. But is it really that smart to ignore the fate the universe has chosen for you?</p><p>She refuses to think about it now though. She still had a 4 hour shift to go and she only came here to freshen up, so that’s exactly what she’s going to do. She stumbles to the bathroom, stubbing her toe on her way. Her bathroom was tiny, and surprisingly white. The lights had a warmer tone to them, so the tiles seemed more off than pure white. In the corner there was a shower with shitty water pressure. There also was common things as a sink, a toilet and a fluffy bath mat she’s no idea about where it came from. She walks over to the sink and grips the edges, staring at her reflection. A sarcastic thought came up. ‘Maybe I can just start singing like a Disney Princess and all my problems will go away.’</p><p>She pushes the fabric of her uniform away to study the text engraved in her skin one more time, repeating the words in her mind, wondering what they meant. She could, of course, have someone translate it for her, but she really didn’t want anyone to know about this. not until she figured things out for herself. It wouldn’t help to have people know, Fury would definitely make fun of it, and the younger agents might question her rank. Besides, she wasn’t going to do anything about this, or so she thought. </p><p>—————————</p><p>So Natalia a got stuck in one of SHIELD’s observation rooms. Now, she had to find away out. </p><p>“Guards” she whined, clenching a hand to her stomach and gasping for breath.</p><p>They storm into the room, holding Kalashnikov machine guns and Simonov self-loading carbines. One of them puts his gloved hand on her shoulder and does a quick check-up on her, making sure there are no bullet or knife wounds. After finding nothing, he gestures for a doctor to stand by. The guard leads her to the doctor, with one hand on her shoulder and the other on his gun. She, stumbling and limping, sees her chance and breaks his grip, bursting out of the door. behind her, she hears bullets richochet off the walls, and shouting guards. heavy footsteps follow her as she chases freedom through the dark hallways of SHIELD. she rounds the corner on top speed, and hit something, or someone. all of the air slips from her lungs and she falls to the ground. the person she hit-Maria Hill-falls too but recovers quickly. “i thought we had an agreement.” she says. Natalia says nothing and stares at the floor, panting. </p><p>the guards round the corner too, and find their prisoner sitting on the ground with the new appointed Deputy Director glaring at her. “ma’am.” one of them acknowledges as they grab Natalia’s arms and begin to drag her away. Maria’s voice stops them. “Agents.”</p><p>“yes ma’am. this one escaped.” the agent clearly feels like he should explain himself, which she’ll deal with later. for now, she had a more pressing problem to handle. “i’d like to speak a word with Romanova, please.”</p><p>“yes ma’am.” they release Natalia, and Maria takes her to another interrogation room. after disabling all the security cameras, Maria gestures for the redhead to sit. </p><p>she herself takes a chair on the opposite side of the table and crosses her arms in front of her chest. </p><p>“you felt it too, didn’t you?”</p><p>“i don’t know where you’re talking about.” Natalia lies with ease. </p><p>Maria pulls away the fabric of her uniform to reveal the text. “where’s yours?”</p><p>Natalia shows her. </p><p>Maria stares at the letters and then nods slowly. the tension in the room is cutting through their skin like a knife. </p><p>“What are you planning on doing here?” Maria sighs finally. Natalia stares at her, questioning.</p><p>“Spying on someone, gaining intel....?”</p><p>“One of your agents brought me in. I’m not planning to do anything here.” </p><p>“Really? Cause I don’t think the infamous Black Widow would let someone catch her unless she wanted them to.”</p><p>Natalia lifts one brow. “Maybe you’re right.”</p><p>“How do I know what you’re intentions are?”</p><p>“You don’t, because if i would tell you, It would take away all my fun.” The Russian smirks. </p><p>Maria begins to pace around the room. “You’re not really helping your case here.” She pinches the bridge of her nose. “Look, we can’t help nor release you if you give us a reason why we shouldn’t. It’s all or nothing, your choice.” </p><p>Natalia waits for a few seconds and then says “now it’s my turn to ask questions.”</p><p>“Go ahead.” Maria drops her arm from her face or her side.</p><p>“Ok, one, what exactly are SHIELD’s intentions, because you keep asking about my attentions but no one ever explained yours to me.”</p><p>Now, it’s Maria’s turn to cock an eyebrow. “Barton didn’t tell you?”</p><p>She doesn’t wait for an answer before continuing.</p><p>“SHIELD is an Intelligence Agency that deals with paranormal threats to Earth.”</p><p>She finds Natalia staring at her.</p><p>“Aliens, that sort shit.” She explains. The spy nods.</p><p>“And second, no one has ever thought me anything about soulmates.” The redhead feels a bitter taste rise in the back of her throat as she thinks about the girl-Anastasia-again.</p><p>“I’ll bring you some magazines. Anything else?” Maria is already on her way to the door but Natalia stops her.</p><p>“Yes. I feel like we should discuss.. this.” She gestures between them.</p><p>Maria seems to think for a few moments before speaking. “Why don’t you do some more research about soulmate stuff and we both take the time to find out how we feel about this, ok?”</p><p>Natalia gets up and makes a beeline for the door. “Yeah.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>in French class right now and low-key worried i might get busted for updating this😅</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Natalia is brought back to the same cell as before. Later that afternoon, Maria stops by to deliver some magazines. They don’t talk, but Natalia nods a quick thank you before the Deputy Director walks away.</p><p>She begins to flip through the pages, eyes darting over the sentences on top speed. The articles seem a bit dated, but good enough. None of them particularly spark her interest, though. So she sticks to learning the basics. </p><p>The next morning someone comes to fetch her. Apparently Director Fury has requested for a conversation regarding her reprogramming. The Director’s office consists of the entire highest level of the Triskelion. It was large and open and yet closed and private in a weird way, filled with only the necessary furniture, and some DVD’s and action figurines that where possible guilty pleasure material. </p><p>Fury has clearly been waiting for her upon arrival. “Ms. Romanova, please take a seat.” He begins.</p><p>Natalia hesitates, but drops herself on a chair anyway. </p><p>“You might have heard. we can erase your memories of the Red Room completely.”</p><p>“Why would you do that?” she asks, suspiciously.</p><p>“Because they won’t help us, or you. On the contrary, they might even be a liability. So, we’re offering you a chance to leave it all behind.”</p><p>Natalia nods. </p><p>“great. we can start your reprogramming tomorrow. it will take a week before we’re done and it’s not 100% fail safe because we’ve never had to brainwash a person before.” Fury says. “report tomorrow at 0900 in the medbay. Agent Barton will show you where that is. dismissed.”</p><p>—————————————————————————————-</p><p>Barton, however, was too busy shooting arrows at apples and did not show up later that afternoon, so Natalia seeks out the only other person on this giant aircraft she knows. Maria. </p><p>the Deputy Director’s quarters are terribly hard to find, unlike Fury’s. after a good 40 minutes of searching, she finally finds the right hallway and knocks on the door. Maria doesn’t open right away, and Natalia is just about to head back when the door makes a squeaky sound.</p><p>“Hey.” She hears her soulmate say. She quickly spins around and forces a decidedly not-awkward smile to creep over her face. </p><p>“Hi. Uhm, can you show me where the medbay is?”</p><p>Concern shadows Maria’s features. </p><p>“I just need to know for tomorrow.” Natasha hurriedly explains.</p><p>She swears she can see something of relieve cross the other woman’s face. </p><p>“Yeah. Sure. Wait a second.” Maria disappears and comes back with her keys. She closes her door and takes the lead, expecting Natalia to follow.</p><p>The redhead does, and 20 quiet minutes and 12 story’s later they arrive at SHIELD’s medical department. They come to a stop right in front of a reception desk, the receptionist of which doesn’t seem to pay attention to them at all, eyes focused on her phone’s screen. Maria barks something at her. The woman startled and quickly straightens her back.</p><p>“That over there is the reception, at which you’ll have to check in tomorrow. Then, you go down that hallway and search for the door with the number they’ve given you. That’s all.”</p><p>Natalia nods in understanding, staring at the big, white doors that prevented people from sneaking a peek. This was going to be a long, long week. She could sense it.</p><p>————-</p><p>She wasn’t wrong. The week creeped by painfully slow. She would spend hours being brainwashed and then crashed at either Barton’s or Maria’s place, tired and too emotional to be alone. There was a huge difference between her two friends. Barton liked to try and cheer her up, making awful jokes and watching horrible romcoms with her. Maria would just leave her be and get her anything she needed if asked to. </p><p>Natalia definitely knew what she prepared, and hint: it wasn’t cheesy romcom movies.</p><p>one day, she swings by Hill’s office in the middle of day, the time she was actually supposed to get brainwashed. “they didn’t call me in.” she explains, shrugging her shoulders. Maria eyes her a bit suspicious but leaves her be, continuing filling out her paperwork. Natalia perches herself on top of Maria’s desk, watching with great interest as the other woman’s hand flies over the paper. </p><p>it works on Maria’s nerves, and after a few minutes she turns to the redhead with the question: “don’t you have to go bother Barton or something?”</p><p>Natalia fake-pouts. “I’d almost think you don’t like having me here, but no, if i he makes me watch one more romcom and l’ll bust his kneecaps. can’t you and i watch some bad action movie or something?”</p><p>Maria snorts. “i still have paperwork to do.”</p><p>“too bad.” Natasha grabs a tablet she stole from one of the guards on her way to Hill’s office. “I’ve already installed Netflix.”</p><p>Maria leans back in her chair and grins. </p><p>they actually end up watching John Wick, a movie with an unnecessary amount of shooting and killing in Maria’s opinion, but well, she was trained to analyze strategies and pick the one that involved the least killing and shooting. </p><p>Nick Fury might have walked in once or twice, scolding them for watching a movie at work and not doing their jobs, but they just waved him off, eyes glued to the screen. sometimes they would look at each other, trying to gauge the other’s reaction at what happens in the movie. it ends up becoming a fun, and quite possibly illegal, afternoon.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>*chants* action, action, action, action, ACTION.</p><p>SPOILER: also getting shot but idk if it’s graphic lmao</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey!</p><p>welcome back! this chapter took me a bit and i actually planned to post it a few days ago but suddenly my fish died so i was busy emptying his tank and setting it up for my goldfish, then moving my goldfish and emptying their tank and prepping it for an Axolotl. so yeah.</p><p>but today i have a looongggg day of doing nothing as 3/4 of my classes are canceled so i had extra time to finish it. also, the school canteen is playing Christmas songs now and they’ve added huge spotlights that shine in different colors and i’m annoyed by it. luckily i got a badass mofo school card with my name on it so now i can play FBI agent including flashing the card :P.</p><p>and my country’s going in lockdown again so tomorrow i’m gonna follow school online in my pajama pants and a hoodie and i’ve never been more comfortable.  </p><p>anyway, the chapter is extra long today so enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>it’s a few weeks later that she gets cleared by the medbay. SHIELD’s little experiment was only half a success, in the doctors’ skeptical opinion. Natalia kept having nightmares. she kept most of her memories, although half of the stories where faded away.</p><p>it’s three months later when Natalia gets her first mission. She’s surprised by the amount of trust they’d put in her over those three months, but she knows she has had the benefit of the doubt. she has tried to keep her friendships with Maria and Clint as good as possible, which was starting to pay off. first, she got Phil Coulson assigned as her handler. Phil was a friend of Maria’s and Natalia liked him and his calm personality. second, Clint was given to her as a partner, which meant they would get to hang out more often and that she didn’t have to deal with a stranger all day. </p><p>Maria, she got to see less. she was only present at mission debriefings, which became Natalia’s favorite part of her job quite soon. she missed the woman’s calming presence and she’d be lying if she told you anything else. </p><p>one day, she stumbled into Maria’s office with two cups of coffee and a half-empty box of doughnuts. the woman was, once again, filling out paperwork. “hey.” she says, without looking up.</p><p>“uh, hi.” Natalia begins. “heard you had a rough day today.” it was more of a statement than a question.</p><p>Maria sighs. “you could say that, yeah.” earlier today, a strike team under her command had returned from a, extraordinarily difficult op. they had lost four men in the process. </p><p>she runs her face and spins her chair around with her foot. “what brings you here?”</p><p>“boredom. and knowing that my soulmate had a rough day.” Natalia answers.</p><p>Maria stares at her. “you’re going on that mission in Dubai tomorrow, don’t you.”</p><p>“yep.” Natalia places a cup of coffee under her nose. Maria opens the lid to take a peek.</p><p>“how did you know my coffee preference?”</p><p>“super-spy.” Natalia grins, and points at herself. Maria seems unimpressed.</p><p>“Coulson.” the redhead admits. Maria takes a sip as Natalia grabs a tablet. her own, this time. “we can watch a movie?”</p><p>Maria nods. </p><p>——————————-</p><p>the next day, Natalia is packing her stuff for her mission. her flight leaves in about three hours, and she needs to be prepared. she’s planning to say goodbye to Hill, Coulson and some junior agents she almost gave heart attack by playing a prank on them yesterday. she struggles to close her suitcase, pushing to one side down with all her weight and at the same time trying to find the lock. </p><p>“need help?” Maria is standing in the doorway, arms crossed and one eyebrow cocked. Natalia lets go of the suitcase in surprise, which jumps open again. she curses under her breath but then turns to her soulmate.</p><p>“yes please. this bitch is playing on my nerves.” she points at the suitcase. Maria chuckles and sits down on the bed, moving the closing side of so called ‘bitch’ so it is exactly at the right spot and ordering Natalia to push it down, quickly locking it herself. </p><p>the redhead frowns down at the suitcase, muttering “bitch” under her breath. </p><p>“when does your flight leave?” Maria asks. </p><p>“three hours.” Natalia answers. she and Clint where assigned to protect a nuclear scientist in Dubai, therefor they had been given a quinjet and one of SHIELD’s professional pilots. it wouldn’t be a big deal, the op, but somehow there was still some tension rippling through Natalia’s veins. it would be her first mission ever under SHIELD’s command. there was a big difference between the intelligence agency and the Red Room. different in strategies, different in execution, different in... well, there where people she cared about now, whether she liked it or not. short version: she wasn’t exactly happy with this op. </p><p>“you seem nervous.” Maria narrows her eyes a bit. the fact that the other woman could read her so well already didn’t exactly calm Natalia down. </p><p>“yeah. it’s just... so different.” </p><p>Maria studies the redhead carefully. “i get what you mean.”</p><p>Natalia keeps silent, not wanting to ask too much. Maria doesn’t continue, they just sit there for a few minutes before Natasha hugs her goodbye. </p><p>—————-</p><p>Natalia pushes the button to open the quinjet’s window and leans out slightly, enjoying the fresh breeze if wind that plays with her hair. the view is wonderful from up here. it’s almost a shame they move by so fast, almost being the keyword. Natalia was a need-for-speed type of person, so was Barton. earlier that day, when they flew by a Target store, he opened the window to shoot and arrow at it, hitting the middle perfectly of course. </p><p>a few black dots that resemble humans at this height look up confused, but the quinjet has been cloaked so they blame it on their fantasy. Natalia enjoys being airborne. It gives a strange feeling of long lost freedom she’s never actually known and it’s relieving. She’s nonetheless happy when they arrive. Her body has been aching for work that has nothing to do with papers, pens or desks. </p><p>They say goodbye to the pilot, who promises to pick them up as soon as they give a call that they’re switching to the extraction plan, and call a cab to get them to the yacht the party’s being held on. The party where they have to guard one Prof. Thomas Haynes. Natasha has hacked her way into the mob boss who is the host of the party’s mail system to send an invitation to a fake e-mail address under a fake cover name, automatically placing her and Clint on the guest list. They would be going as Nicole Roberts and Chris Bayles, an artist and an estate agent who are acquaintances of Haynes. She has hacked her way into Haynes’ computer too, sending a confirmation e-mail.</p><p>The cab lets them wait a good 10 minutes before showing up, for which Natasha scolds the driver. Clint has in the meantime fixed his earpiece, that he had ruined in the airplane.</p><p>“test, test.” she hears him say, along by some horribly sung lines of his favorite rock song. </p><p>“we hear you, Barton.” the comms crackle to live and Maria’s voice filters through, loud and clear. Natalia tries to read Clint’s face to see if he’s embarrassed or not. she determines with amusement he is, although he tries not to show it and avoids her gaze.</p><p>“you in position?” the Deputy Director asks. </p><p>“no, Barton was messing with his earpiece. i guess he just fixed it.” Natalia answers, grinning as Maria let out a small chuckle.</p><p>“who else is on the comms?” the redhead asks.</p><p>“about half of the older agents. they’re your extraction team.”</p><p>a few foot away, Barton groans. </p><p>they get in the car and the driver drops them off not far from the yacht. the two agents begin to casually approach the building. in the cab that had taken the time to change clothes. Barton was wearing a suit, and Natalia had put on a tight, red, strapless dress and pinned her hair in a bun on top of her head. </p><p>they are let in without problems as soon as Natalia pulls out their invitations. she drags Barton over to the host with a determined glim in her eyes. </p><p>“hello, mr. Donovan.” Natalia begins, with the smallest hint of flirtation in her voice. “what a lovely party.” </p><p>the bearded man looked around and hummed in agreement. </p><p>“we’re Nicole and Chris, acquaintances of mr. Haynes. is he here yet?”</p><p>“no, no. i haven’t seem him yet.” the man says, with a thick accent. </p><p>“oh, how unfortunate.” Natalia says, throwing a British accent in the mix. it sounded ridiculously overdone but she somehow pulled it off. </p><p> they waved the mob boss goodbye and Clint dragged her to the side, beginning to speak in his earpiece. Natalia listened to the buzzing noise over the comms as they came to life again, followed by instructions from Maria. </p><p>she kept an eye on the entrance, which paid off as their guy walked in after a short amount of time. she tapped on Clint’s arm and pointed in the direction. </p><p>“mr. Haynes, hi. we are Nicole Roberts and Chris Bayles. would you mind following us?” she extended her hand and flashed the man her best smile. as soon as he gripped her hand to shake it, she tightened her grip and dragged him with her to a far corner of the room, as far away from Donovan as possible. the mob boss was talking to other guests and didn’t seem to notice the two newcomers basically kidnapping his guest of honor. </p><p>Natalia lowered her voice to a whisper tone. “mr. Haynes, you’re in danger.” she continued to explain the situation as Clint reported to Maria. </p><p>suddenly, he interrupted her. “Donovan is looking.” and indeed, the mob boss was suspiciously glancing over to them.</p><p>a few of his friends suddenly pulled out ak-47’s and begin to shoot in any and every direction, seemingly not caring about what or who the bullets hit. Natalia and Clint quickly ducked under a pool table, pulling poor Haynes with them. the comms crackled to life, voices rapidly speaking and inaudible over the sound of gunfire. Natalia looked around for the escape exit. of course, she had noted it already as soon as she walked into this room, but the bullets ricocheting of the walls made it hard to see. plus, the panicking guests weren’t really helping. </p><p>next to her, Haynes was quietly freaking out. she made eye contact with Clint, who had just got extraction instructions from the people over comms and pointed at a almost invisible black door. she nodded and analyzed her options. it would take her approximately five seconds to get to the door, but they would come into view of the marksmen and the chances of getting hit where risky high.</p><p>she would have to take it as the other exit was more than twenty metres away, all across the room. she peeked over the edge of the pool table. Donovan had vanished, but his buddies where still shooting and it could take a pretty long time until the gun magazines where empty. by then they had already made their way over to capture them. ‘on my mark.’ she signaled to Clint and Haynes.</p><p>‘one, two, three.’</p><p>she pulled Haynes out and dragged him along, running for her life and pulling out a handgun strapped to her thigh. she fired a few shots to keep the marksmen busy, not checking for Clint behind her as she ran for her life. </p><p>they reached the door but it took an extra seconds to open it with a well placed kick to the weak spot under the handle. at least two bullets riddled her leg but she didn’t notice because the adrenaline coursing through her veins made her partly invincible. </p><p>her knee buckled as soon as she placed it on the ground. she dragged Haynes through the door and Clint followed, closing the door behind him and quickly locking it. Haynes weighed as a dead man’s weight on her body and she let him go, finally noticing the dark red patches blossoming on her leg. Clint noticed it too and shouted something in his earpiece. bullet gaps appeared in the door, and it wouldn’t take long before Donovan’s friends reached them. Natalia, however, was unable to carry any weight or put any of her own on her left leg. Clint took Haynes and dragged him away from the door. behind them, someone kicks against the door, that makes a dangerous creaky sound. blood is seeping down Natalia’s calf, and the edges of her vision begin to fade. Clint disappears from her view and she lowers to the ground, blacking out as soon as the door is kicked open.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! </p><p>I don’t know if any of you actually thought that this was abandoned but no, it’s not. haha. It just took me a while to write this chapter because I had some difficulties with it. Anyways, enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>flickers of light dance behind her eyelids, not willing to leave her the fuck alone. the next thing she notices is how unbelievably wet her forehead is, and how nice it feels against the cold, hard ground. The loud banging noises all around her follow as her ears pop open. Natalia immediately wishes she could go back to being deaf again. Gunfire sounds cut through her eardrums. the temperature changes constantly, making her sweat and shiver. slight pressure in the form of Clint Barton’s hand is applied to her shoulder. Sometimes, the volume of the noises increase and sometimes it slowly decreases, and it’s confusing her. The cold sensation of her head against the ground fades away and suddenly it’s unbelievably hot in the room. She tries to clutch her ears but she doesn’t have the feeling that her hands are doing anything. She groans, with soft guttural noises that are barely audible over the gunfire sounds. When the noises decrease again she can vaguely make out Barton’s voice.</p><p>“Nat, nat, come on.” </p><p>Need to. </p><p>Het hands have definitely turned numb underneath her. With lots of pain from a yet unknown source and her whole body protesting, she opens her eyes. It’s not that different from trying to stay awake after haven’t slept for 48 hours, actually. Just more painful. Clint’s face floats above her, blurry. Signs of concern are evident on his face.</p><p>“Hey, get up.” </p><p>He pulls her arm lightly while gently shaking her shoulder. She finally sets herself motion and places one hand on the ground next to her torso to support her weight. With a small yelp she pulls it away again. A flash of burning hot pain had shot through her veins. Clint lets go of her other hand and instead snakes an arm around her middle. She clutches her arm tightly to her chest as he helps her up. She still didn’t have her full vision back. Once standing, she becomes awfully aware of the bullet wound in her left upper thigh, and the one in her left calf. Clint quickly pulled her in to lean on his shoulder before she could land on her ass. </p><p>“Whoa, whoa, calm down. You’ve at least suffered two gunshot wounds to your left leg, and a broken arm and a light concussion by hitting the ground.”</p><p>Natalia nods, waking a bitchy headache.  She groans. Clint says something to Haynes, who had been laying on the ground, confused. Natalia’s eyes shoot from Haynes to the door. It had been awfully quiet for a little while now, and getting out of here ASAP was a highest priority. </p><p>They navigated through the narrow alleys of the building. It was dark, but neither Clint nor Natalia dared to grab a blacklight in fear of being discovered. They tried to stay as quiet as possible, which is harder than it should be with one cripple and one highly confused and unknowing victim. </p><p>Their breath was nearly visible in the cool air. The absence of the bright lights and many people in the bar becomes awfully obvious. Natalia’s breath hitches from the effort she has to make to keep herself upright. </p><p>Clint doesn’t seem to be bothered by the extra weight pulling him down, and he navigates successfully through the eerie hallways. Time creeps up on them.</p><p>“call for extraction.“ Clint ordered her. </p><p>Natalia brings one hand up to her ear, fingers searching for a button they can’t seem to find. She becomes more and more frustrated until finally, a buzzing sound fills her ear. She begins to speak rapidly to the person on the other end, but the comms fall out again. </p><p>She curses in Russian and begins smashing the button, and her ear, with the full power of her fist. Clint looks up.</p><p>“Wait.” He says, and makes sure she stands steady before letting her go to test his own earpiece. They wait in silence for a full, tension loaded 30 seconds, two pairs of eyes trained on the archer, until Clint bows his head in defeat. Natalia makes a clicking sound with her tongue and drapes his arm back around her shoulder. </p><p>Haynes looks at them confused. “So what now?”</p><p>Clint sighs. “We’ve got to find our own way out.” </p><p>Natalia swears she could see something flashing in the Doctor’s eyes but doesn’t mention it.</p><p>They carry on for a full 20 minutes. Their legs, backs and feet begin to ache, they are exhausted, hungry and dehydrated and in desperate need of medical attention but they know better than to squeak. </p><p>Finally, they seem to have found the final corner. the space around them has become visibly brighter, and the air was cooler, both signs that they were close to the exit. Natalia tilts her head a bit. </p><p>the last few steps to freedom are the worst, which is a cliché, but true nonetheless. the agents keep their eyes focused on the heavy looking metal door. </p><p>loud thumps overpowered their eardrums as they got closer, and they jump away from the door. Natalia accidentally put weight on her bed leg, wincing as she did so. Clint had let go of her and grabbed an arrow from his quiver, eyes trained on the door. Haynes had stumbled back and fallen against the wall on the opposite side of the hallway, but she didn’t bother to help him up. </p><p>Natalia quickly searches for a backup knife strapped against her thigh. She finds it just one second before dark-clad marksmen burst through the door, the metal slamming hard against the wall. The redhead launches herself at the first one, ignoring her protesting leg. She pulls his head and helmet up in one swift move, nearly breaking his neck. In a flash of blinking metal, she leaves a deep gash in his throat and his body falls to the ground limp, blood leaking out of the wound fast. </p><p>She spins around and slashed at the chest of one of the other men as she goes. Arrows whiz through the air, planting themselves in body parts and clothing. One by one, they eliminate the gunmen and soon enough they are staring at body-littered ground, panting lightly. </p><p>Another batch of enemies enters, or so they think, until they see the S.H.I.E.L.D. Logos slapped on literally everything. The first one introduces himself as Harrison, leader of their extraction team.  Natalia glances past the men and sees a quinjet on the roof. They hadn’t even heard the vehicle approach. She wasn’t the one to mock however and hops back over to Clint to lean on his shoulder, becoming painfully aware of her wounded leg. Clint wraps one arm around her waist and helps her to the quinjet, where medics are waiting for her. She watches as Harrison begins speaking into his earpiece. </p><p>The engines begin to buzz as they take off, and Harrison makes his way over to her and the medics busy extracting the bullet from her leg. “Agent Hill says well done.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So yes now there’s only one chapter left which covers the debriefing and a flash forward in which Natalia has her new name and identity (Natasha).</p><p>Contact me through e-mail (SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com) to let me know what you thought (you can also leave a comment ofc) or make any requests:)</p><p>Tumblr: savagedemondog (I post a lot of Blackhill incorrect quotes and am very active). </p><p>Kudos/comments/boommarks are very appreciated❤️</p><p>Bye!</p>
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